Who Wants to be Typical?

I'm sure you've (as in imaginary, enraptured audience) noticed that I like to make an attempt at being clever by introducing my musings with a funky title. So here I am, recognizing that I've been afflicted with an oh too typical teenage emotion: ANGST. Now, by no means am I new to this emotion, being the awkward, avoidant person that I am. However, taking my recent maturation (is that a word? lets just pretend it is for now)for granted, I assumed that I was over such a trivial, pre-adolescent emotion. Not so.

As it turns out, I am now 18, facing the crest of summer before freshman year of college. This is my time to act as crazy as I want before delving into the adult world. I had bravely planned to accept and revel in my self appointed role as resident slutfaced hoebag (too much? I say female empowerment)BUT along came...this guy. And I have to say, I kinda love him. Now, I'm the type of person that scoffs at "love", yet here I am, contemplating a tame summer all because I would feel guilty leading this guy on while screwing around with someone else. Not that we're together; I finally understand the term "talking". But I know I would be more than furious if he hooked up with someone else and let me tell you, hypocrisy is not the new colored skinnies.

So, in an effort not to be totally skanky (in a bad way),I finally ended things with an uncomplicated fb, and while I'm relieved to be rid of a somewhat possessive hypocrite, I'm a little disheartened by the onslaught of remorse that surrounds such a decision as I peer into my suddenly chaste future. I don't want to spend my summer not hooking up with strangers at clubs or my freshman year thinking about a bf back home when I should be experimenting, meeting new people. Furthermore, at the risk of sounding absolutely conceited, I'm terrified that this guy will never break up with me and I'll be stuck with him for the rest of my life. So here I am, confused, afraid to say "yes, let's be together" effectively kissing my slore days goodbye, but just as wary to lose what could be a great relationship.

Enter ANGST.